More Than Just A Fling

The emotional space is as competitive as any business environment you can imagine. Faced with that reality it is always better to make sure that the one that you are attracted to get value for the emotions that they would be given to you. You just have to put yourself constantly in your partner shoes to appreciate what you do or left undone.

Conversely, accepting a situation that is anything other than what you truly want in a relationship will not only make you unhappy, it will also keep you tied to someone who is not right for you. So really ask yourself what kind of relationship you want before you become involved with a man and the chemistry starts to cloud your vision.

Adunni and Tolu had courted for about seven months and they got along pretty well. During this period the two lovebirds discovered some of the things they shared in common and hoped that the relationship was going to lead them to the altar. Just when Adunni thought she had found the man of her dream man, the dream was aborted.

How did things fall apart you ask?  A few weeks before the discovery, Adunni paid Tolu a surprise visit in the office. That was in order, it’s sometimes gives you direction and you would find out if you are on the right emotional track or not.

How did the bubble burst? Our dear friend who was still day dreaming emotional adventure ran into another ‘competitor who surprising had won the emotional crown. “I found them together in a very uncompromising way and I began to ask some questions”.

So did she get answers to these questions? Not really. “Tolu simply introduced the lady as his fiancée.” No apologies! For a few seconds she felt as if her heart had stopped. This relationship had caused her so much harm in the past and this certainly was the last straw. Gradually she gained composure, got her car keys, ran out of the office and sat inside the car for a few minutes.

It was very cold and she was lonely and alone. All kinds of things started riveting on her mind. Cars were revving as everyone was in a hurry to get out of the car park and then she finally found her way out of the mess (physical and emotional.)

Like Adunni, Nnamdi is in a deep emotional mess. He was supposed to meet his fiancée, Matilda in the restaurant at 5 pm. The traffic was really bad and somehow he was a little late. He finally found his way into the restaurant panting and almost breathless. A few seconds after he felt better and looked for her in their usual corner.

To his surprise, she wasn’t around. That was quite unlike her and he decided to call her on phone. The line was dead and so he decided to wait for his sweetheart.

With his laptop opened in front of him, he happily slipped into a happy reverie of all their moments. The things they had shared. The words she had said, he had turned out to be quite the poet.

In that few minutes, he tried to work on some of the pending mails in his inbox. Here he found a note from his beloved, Matilda. “I can’t make it as promised. I am a bit confused about this relationship. Please I need some time to think about it all. Sorry for whatever inconveniences this might cause you”.

At this point, he knew that something new must have happened; after all they spoke about an hour ago. So where do we go from here. Should he really give her another chance or start thinking of a plan B.

It is important to know how to interpret your partner’s mood from time to time. Usually, when a man or woman acts withdrawn, that is a signal that the person is undergoing an emotional process and needs time to recharge.

Women tend to think that if things are going well with a guy, that he will naturally want to move things forward to the next level. They’ll just assume this even when the guy has never talked about the future.

Things will be coasting along, and suddenly the guy will change gears, she’ll find out he’s dating other women, or he doesn’t make plans with her every weekend, and she’s left wondering what the heck happened.

The answer is that the woman created all these expectations about what the relationship was supposed to look like and how he was supposed to behave, and when he fell short of that, she became disappointed and unfulfilled. This usually winds up in a confrontation that causes tension and maybe even creates more distance.

When the emotional matter is more than a fling, then you would discover that it can be very devastating to handle. So the next question is how you survive during the hurting period. The crux of the matter is that it can be really tough but you just have to be determined to move on and create a better emotional space for the future.

By Yetunde Oladeinde